A year of single.

So when I said this blog would become personal, here's an example of how. Beware, this'll be a long post. 

About a year ago, I became single for the first time in almost 7 years. Since the age of 16, I had both a year-long relationship, and when that crumbled, jumped into a 5 and 1/2 year long relationship with my most recent ex-boyfriend.

When we broke up, my biggest fear was:

What am I going to do with my life? How do you be single? 

I had "grown up" in the 7 years that I was in relationships. I went from my sweet-16 up until my very last semester of University. I went through lots of personal growth with someone there to turn to, someone to be with. Which is why I expected the transition to single-hood to be very difficult.

We ended the lease on our apartment and I moved back home with my family. They gave me any love and support I needed. I spent almost two weeks with my amazing cousin who kept my mind off of boys. I started spending more and more time with my best friend, and finally saw her more than once every couple of months. I rekindled relationships and started spending time with some people who have turned into amazing friends over the year.

I started to realize that being single wasn't so bad.

But then I was shocked by a reaction I recently had. A couple weeks ago, I ran into someone who I hadn't seen in years. We started talking and she asked who I was seeing - not if I was seeing someone. I admit to having felt a little embarrassed that I wasn't in a relationship, or even dating anyone. Everyone she knows, and nearly everyone that I know, is.  

It gave that evil part inside of me the chance to whisper:  

It's because you're weird, ugly, not good enough. 

But then I realized there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Being single is just as normal as being in a relationship,  and means nothing more than you haven't found the right person yet. I feel like I am finally beginning to figure out who I am and who I want to be. That's the most important thing in life. I haven't felt stress like I used to - mostly because I'm only taking care of myself. I don't make decisions based on anyone else but me.

Being single isn't the pain I thought it would be. I've begun to love myself, appreciate the alone times, and think about me and what I truly want.

It's just another way of life. Something to be embraced, enjoyed and celebrated.

And I'm finally figuring out how to do it.